Don't You Know That It Hurts, Hurts So Bad?

Yesterday (Friday), I hit the wall! No, I mean, I literally hit the wall. Actually, it was the cabinet door on the bathroom wall, and it was my head that hit it, and it hurt badly. Not so badly that there was blood, but it hurt. I had no one to whine to, no one to take me into their arms and comfort me, no one to whom I could describe how much it hurt. I felt very alone.

It was the first day that I had no human contact, face to face, with anyone that I know. (I did finally see Bryn Taylor, the registrar at BTSR, whom I met 3 years ago when Kay and I came with Logan and Christy to check out the seminary.) But, I didn’t see Logan—he was busy; Christy is in Houston for Ashley’s graduation and a baby shower; and I didn’t see Rob and Lindsey (who live in the apartment next door) or Dean and Eddie (4 and 3 year olds who live with their parents 2 apartments down). So, last night, I did what anyone in my situation might do; I went to see Spiderman 3—by myself.

I’m not really complaining. It’s that lack of noise that I wrote of earlier when I arrived in Richmond. It’s what I’m looking for on this sabbatical. It’s what I found on the Wilderness Retreat. It’s quiet. It’s reflective. It’s driving me nuts! No, not really. If you know me, you know I’m not exactly a social butterfly. I like being alone—for a while. And then I like being with people—for a while. And then I like being alone.

So as I complete 2 weeks of sabbaticalling (yes, I know it’s not a word), I thank God for opportunities I had to get to know the BTSR students on the Wilderness Retreat. I’m also thankful for some wonderful times of bread-breaking and play that I’ve had with Logan and Christy this week, and I’m looking forward to some days with Landon at the end of the month. I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet some of the students who live on campus at BTSR, and to see in person those staff and faculty who helped me with the arrangements for this visit. I mentioned Bryn Taylor. She and Dr. Kim Siegenthaler, as well as Dr. Stephen Brachlow and Sandra Washington, were very helpful, and I’ve enjoyed seeing them and visiting with them, after many email conversations.

But I’m also grateful for quiet times, alone times, sitting in this apartment, or wandering the grounds of Maymont, or walking the campus at BTSR. And I loved the times of silence and fasting that we did for hours at a time on the Wilderness Retreat. These have been times to think about very little other than the beauty and majesty of God. They’ve been times to think about nothing, and time to do things that I don’t normally get to do, like walk and sit, and pray and walk, and walk and sit, and pray and walk some more. This is very good.

I am so grateful for people like you, who carry on the work of pastoral care ministry, who take care of the things that I normally take care of, those who are there for the UBC family, and those who are there for Kay. And most of all, I'm thankful for Kay, whom I love more than any of you, who takes out the garbage and gets the mail and mows the grass and . . . surely there's something else that I usually do. Thanks to all who make this possible, even though you weren’t around to rub my bruised head.

After 2 days of being alone, I met up with Logan tonight and we went to see the Braves and the Yankees. No, not those Braves and Yankees. I’m talking about the Richmond Braves and the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees, AAA franchises of the respective major league teams. (Some of you know that I have a tomahawk in my office, and I've been known to do a little chopping at Astros games.) It was a fun night out. A little noisy, but very exciting, even though the Braves lost 5-4.

Maybe I can learn to build a flow of quiet-noise-quiet-noise into my real life. Nah! Probably not. But it’s worth a try.

Next week, I’ll be participating in a preaching conference here at BTSR. It should be noisy enough.

Care-full-y,
rick